Cochlear implant surgery is now one week from today. Figured this was as good a time as any to actually start this blog that I’ve been thinking about for months. It’s ridiculous how fast this has all moved. On my 40th birthday, May 23, I went for a hearing evaluation with my friend and audiologist Cathy. Two months later, I’m having surgery. Just seems like once I got the go ahead, why not just go for it? As my husband Ed put it, it’s not like it will make you any deafer….
I started reading my old journal from when I first lost my hearing and got my first hearing aid and there were so many things in there that are the same things I’m feeling now. An interesting reminder to myself. I said, on October 11, 2001:
Rationally, I know that it’s not going to make things normal. It’s not going to bring my hearing back. However, I still hold on to this hope that it’s going to make everything better…
Even with the aid, I am still going to be a deaf person. Nothing short of a miracle can change that, so I still need to accept that that’s who I am. And I need to accept that it doesn’t make me “less” or defective. I have proved that I can still live my life fully, I just need to *do* it already.
Still true. Substitute “aid” with “CI”. I accepted my hearing loss a long time ago, and I’ve lived my life pretty full and am happy with what I’ve done with my hearing aid. But it’s time for the next chapter. I want more.